I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
