evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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