I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
