I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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