fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
