You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
