The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
