There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
