In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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