how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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