beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
