We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
