I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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