look no pants
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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