all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
