Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
