I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
