Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
