yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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