I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
