Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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