So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
