did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
