Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
