You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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