you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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