.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
