They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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