Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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