My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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