in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
