I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
