I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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