Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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