and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
