Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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