Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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