McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
