Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she smelled like a LAN party
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
