I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
