am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
