oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
