We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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