I could have mohawked her pubes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
