You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
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with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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