Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
