I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
