Pants 0. Shit 1.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
