Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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