Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
