you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
