You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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