Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
