so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
