I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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