So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
