I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
