we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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