People with herpes should wear stickers.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
