I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
