No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
