Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
