I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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