I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
