I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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