Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
