You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
