Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
