I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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