At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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