I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
