What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
