Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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