PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
