so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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