you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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