Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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