well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
