Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
