My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
