I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
